old pics of me

super low resolution me. probably circa 2003ish. took these with a webcam in an internet cafe in calgary at a time when i had limited internet access to reach joel.

i love my hair in these pictures. maybe i shouldn't be such a chicken about cutting a little more off next time.

just finished packing up our closet. the move is tomorrow and we're almost totally done packing! just have to pack up the bathroom tomorrow and clean it while joel is at his aircheck meeting. then, we move around 3 or 3:30ish.

a day of productivity

phoebe, hostess of last night's madness.

well, productivity that started off slightly against my will.

as you know i went to phoebe's halloween party last night, which was good times. keg beer, more beer and also jello shots. i really wasn't hammered due to the yummy treats, but this morning i did not want to drag my ass out of bed. even though i had a nap later this afternoon, i am still tired as hell today. i hate it when you have a bit of a hangover even though you didn't get to enjoy the drunken benefits of the alcohol consumed the night before! boo-urns.

but anyways, after breakfast, a shower and a healthy dose of pepto bismol, we went out furniture shopping. i drank mountain dew to stay awake while we lay down on a bunch of different beds to test the softness and firmness. we settled on a queen-sized euro-top mattress and boxspring. it was a mismatched set, but who the eff looks at the boxspring and clucks their tongue with disappointment when they notice it doesn't match? besides, we got a $1200 bed for $599! hooray!

then, we went and picked out our livingroom set! these are the couch and loveseat and these are the coffee table and end tables which are being delivered on the 7th. that will be interesting for a week with no furniture, but we'll make do. we'll have our smokin' new bed on thursday plus the old one, so maybe we'll keep the old bed in the livingroom. hahahaha! avant garde.

getting ready for haloweenie!

a little elvis attitude!
le pompadour encore.
me, sans wig.

after a long search we dug my elvis costume out of the storage unit.

i spent a good deal of time this morning messing with this wig to try and get it into a decidedly more elvis-like condition while watching pimp my ride. when i bought it, it was labelled as a "greaser wig". really, it was furry misshapen lump wig. i combed it out a bit and actually put some styling products in it. it's not perfect, but it looks better than last year i think.

i'm excited for phoebe's party. it's been a while since we've gotten to actually hang out, which, incidentally was also a sunday. i think, however, this time i will not suggest that we play never have i ever. it unlocked some very controversial info from her roommate! ooh! scandal! i'm also excited because dick will be there and dick is the bees freakin' knees. plus, i am sure to meet some interesting new people.

i think i have fibers from the frigging wig stuck in my the back of my throat. if they found me dead and sliced me open CSI-stylee, they would have fun looking for the killer this time of year!

i've had a pretty productive day so far. found my camera, recharged an extra set of batteries to take with me in case the ones in said camera die, cleaned up the scary pile of clothes in the corner of the bedroom and even did some laundry! go me!

ooh, and on the moving front, in addition to the free dinette from joel's parents, we have been given pots and pans, glasses and silverware by andrew and tree since they got a buncha new stuff when they got married! those guys kick butt! :)

random photos

hmmmm...how many licks DOES it take?
not sure what's happening here.
jamie and claire!
dance ladies, dance!
click on this one, then click in the lower corner to enlarge - i drew joel!
another scary american food item - the big papa dill - the portly pickle!
joel wearing my sunglasses.

comings and goings

Parker Posey In Premiere Magazine! I am totally excited for "For Your Consideration"!

Last night Joel and I watched the movie Hard Candy. Talk about an utter mindfuck. It was completely intense and one of those movies where you can't really take sides because everyone in it is just this side of crazy. I don't know how many of you know anything about this movie, however, difficult to watch as it may be, it's totally worth checking out.

Tonight we're going to watch a local band play and Sunday I'm off to Phoebe's Halloween party. So I should have some interesting pictures by the end of the weekend, I'm sure. Speaking of Phoebe's party, I've got to go dig my Elvis costume out of storage. I'l be a hunk-a hunk-a burnin' love come Sunday.

Getting really excited about the move. Joel has been packing more and the room is starting look a little more bare. Joel told me today that his parents are going to buy a new dinette so we're going to get their old one next weekend! Hooray for one less expense! I'm currently trying to sweet talk Joel into getting a new bed as during the last month we've been sharing a double that is much too firm for me. Every morning I'm waking up with a sore back and let's face it, before I moved I was sleeping on a queen sized bed by myself - I need a little more room than this bed affords us.

We'll see what happens. I just told him I'm willing to put up the cash, so maybe I'll be in a new bed sooner rather than later! *LOL*

Anyways, I'm gonna head out now and try to do something productive. Later, kids.

concertgoing i somehow failed to mention...

the yeah yeah yeahs free show - oct 11th: amazing. way up front the whole time. karen o accidentally kicked my water bottle off the stage. i am in love with her now. but no, not because of the water. the band was dressed up in costumes for an early halloween homage. karen was a mummy, nick a vampire and brian a rastifarian. karen alternated drinking beer and spitting blood all over herself and the crowd. the show was frenetic. energetic. insane. i was pressed up against the barrier on the left side of the stage. i can't believe it, but i actually turned down an offer to smoke pot! hahahaha. actually, not that surprised. i don't usually accept drugs from strangers, but i haven't smoked in a while. might have been nice. also made friends while waiting in line with a cool guy who helped push me to the front of the crazy lineup once the doors to the show opened - it was a myspace secret show. you had to have a wristband to get in and you had to wait in line forever to get a good spot once inside. and, the stupid elitist hipster crowd has made me definitely veto any other myspace secret show unless it is someone really really incredible.

jenny lewis w/ the watson twins - oct. 19th: in-fucking-credible. the woman has the most beautiful voice in the world. she played everything i could have asked for. her opening acts were entertaining and the venus was gorgeous. jenny walked out onto the stage in a long black dress carrying a beer. the watson twins are incredibly tall and very beautiful. almost disgustingly beautiful. they also wore long black dresses. part way through the show, they and jenny changed into these little green sparkly dresses and that's when the show really got a kick in the pants. it was so energetic and fun. this show both broke my heart and filled it completely. if jenny comes to your town, for the love of god, go. you will not be sorry. also should mention i met khaela of the band the blow. she was incredibly nice and complimented my shirt. people kept asking her to sign stuff, so i gave her one of my pens. she has the most adorable stage presence and this incredible flow of onstage banter. i was enchanted. oh, and i ran into the guy from the yeah yeah yeahs show out by the merch table! neat!

oh, and no cameras allowed at either show. BOO!

tonight joel is at a guns and roses concert. well, rather an axl and roses concert. it's 1am and he still isn't home as he was still waiting for axl to go on at 11:45. wonder when he'll get home. i was going to go, but joel's brother reallllllyyyy wanted to go and i'm not really a GNR fan, so i gave him my ticket.

so i'm at home playing on myspace and writing this and watching mission hill. woot. i can multi-task.

what's new with you guys?

my new thing

rocking it cowgirl style with the bandana. like freddie from scooby doo but backwards.

yup. it works for me. and it don't gotta work for you.

the ipod survey - for rita!

IPOD Shuffle Survey Part III

Put your ipod on shuffle and ask the following questions. No cheating.

1. What do you think of me, ipod?
Angel Hair - Babes In Toyland

2. Will I have a happy life?
Hollywood - Madonna [hmmmm...???]

3. What do my friends really think of me?
We're Not Gonna Take It - Twisted Sister

4. Do people secretly lust after me?
Do You Know? The Odds [HAHAHAHA.]

5. What does [insert significant other] think of me?
Heaven Is Full - Under the Influence of Giants [so an angel was put on earth for him!]

6. How can I make myself happy?
Nuthin' But A G Thang - Dr. Dre [HA! I KNEW IT!]

7. What should I do with my life?
Little Thoughts - Bloc Party

8. Why must life be so full of pain?
White Men In Black Suits - Everclear [Preach on, Ipod!]

9. How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
I Summon You - Spoon

10. Will I ever have children?
The Sound of the Suburbs - The Members [I take that as a yes?]

11. Will I die happy?
Pay to Play - Nirvana

12. Can you give me some good advice?
I Wish - Stevie Wonder [oh no you didn't.]

13. Do you know where your children are?
Knock A Door Run - Arctic Monkeys [TRIPPY]

14. What do you think happiness is?
The Trap - The Joggers [so, getting married?]

If you have an IPOD...try it and let me know what YOURS SAYS...

new apartment photos!

these pictures do not really do the place justice, but we signed our lease and paid our deposit and first month - we move in on november 1st!!! WE ARE SO EXCITED!

the back view of our building!
the ceiling in the livingroom - i love the little stained glass window!
the deck
the kitchen
the livingroom/kitchen - where joel is standing is where you go out onto the deck!
the livingroom
bathroom mirror.

the bathroom - big basin tub = LOVE IT!

more evidence.

taken by my sister at my aunt's wedding.

see?

perfect.

oh, kitty.

i miss my gal.

phenomenal. fantastic.

my dad spoke up and did something that hopefully will end all this family bullshit for at least a while.

i love my dad. and my mom. she had some really great things to say to me last night.

it's so fucking great to know that they're behind me 100%.

so maybe now i get a little peace.

yesterday joel and i went to look at an apartment yesterday. it was the nicest one we've seen so far, not that we've looked at a lot of stuff. we can't get a dog if we live there, but i guess i could settle for a cat. cats deal better with being left alone anyways and once i start working, who knows when joel and i will be home considering his work schedule is all over the place.

we also went to see little miss sunshine last night which was phenomenal. fantastic. go see it.

also, in a fabulous turn of events, my glasses FINALLY arrived from canada. FINALLY!!! i am beyond ecstatic. kat included a letter and some photos that made me laugh my ass off.

anyways, joel will be home from his aircheck meeting soon, so i think i should hit the showers. enough for now. more later.

watching the fabric fall apart.

the family battle wages on and today it got that much worse.

i spent my morning crying and really fucking confused and shocked. i want my mom and dad to get home so they can give me some input on what to do now.

i am so sick over this.

i am already so stressed out over other things in my life that have nothing to do with this. and now this just blows up even more. brace yourself for too much information, but i have been having my period for almost two weeks now. my body just can't handle all this shit. don't get yourselves too worried, i have gone to see a doctor and something is being done about it.

i'm sure i'll be okay. but this just isn't good. things were supposed to get better when i got down here. my life was supposed to be sunny and bright. instead, my poor husband has to put up with me on a rollercoaster of moods. it can't be easy, i'm sure. this is supposed to be our time.

family is supposed to be the people who love and support you, who stand up for you when times get hard. it breaks my heart because this is not the type of behavior i associate with my family. at all.

i just don't understand it.

we're meant for each other.

going back in time musically...

what have i been listening to today?

LOTS of older stuff.

- Short Music for Short People: A compilation put together by my beloved Fat Mike. This is a great concept, have about 100 fucking awesome bands write songs that can last not much longer than 30 seconds long. It never ceases to amaze me how satisfying a song that short can actually be. It's a great release in a bunch of little packages. Bands on it include Bad Religion, Guttermoth, No Use For A Name, Black Flag, Green Day, D.O.A, Screeching Weasel, The Descendents, The Misfits, Jughead's Revenge, 88 Fingers Louie, NOFX, Rancid, The Vandals - okay, you get it, the whole fucking gang's here kids. And it's great.

- L7 - When you're a girl and you're angry, there is nothing better.

- Nirvana - I sometimes forget how much I loved this band when I was a teenager. I remember once being grounded from the television and my stereo and digging out the walkman I had when I was eight and keeping it stashed in my room so I could listen to the tapes of their albums late into the night. That walkman was sweet, it had a graphic equalizer and everything. It was a tough old bastard lasted until after I graduated from highschool. Downloaded a bunch of rarer stuff today. The song "Even In His Youth" still gets me to this day.

- Nine Inch Nails - 'Nuff said. Really. It just fit for what I was feeling today.

- Emily Haines & The Soft Skeleton - Okay, it's not old and it's really mellow and beautiful. I just want to talk about it because it's really really fucking good. However, if you're one of my male friends, I don't know how likely you are to like this. Give it a try if you like Metric, Stars, or Broken Social Scene.

yup. that's it. just felt like sayin'.

"if you find me, hide me. i don't know where i've been."

right where it belongs.

"What if everything around you,
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know,
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection,
Is it all you want it to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks,
Would you find yourself...find yourself afraid to see?"

A family member I will not name has done yet another thing specifically to hurt me and shown themselves to be a truly selfish, underhanded, and immature individual.

It relates to the "family drama" situation I spoke of at the end of September. It is something that has shocked, hurt, humiliated, and confused me.

I feel horrible. I have been kept in the dark for the better part of a month about things done behind my back. I can understand people not wanting to get involved in the situation or being fearful of it becoming an even widerspread problem, but I am crushed and disappointed that those who knew about it chose not to tell me a word about it. I was so agitated by this situation that I could barely sleep last night. I laid awake for two hours after my husband fell asleep. I ended up taking a sleeping pill just so I could get to sleep and stop choking back tears.

I was already wretchedly homesick. Then, I find that some of the things I was so homesick for are things that just don't exist.

I do, however, have a newfound respect for the person who brought it to the attention of my father who made sure that I was told about what happened.

I know that a lot of my family reads this blog and may ask me to comment on what I am speaking about. I just want you to know I am bringing it up only because this is my blog and I have a right to use it to vent my feelings, and I do not wish to discuss this with you unless you already know what or who I am talking about.

If you don't, trust me when I say you are definitely better off not knowing and not being involved in this or you may end up feeling exactly as I do and I don't want that for a single one of you.

I am feeling a little better today, but only because I have taken my own action against this person. I may be thousands of miles away, but I will not tolerate such behavior. This person, as soon as they read what I have sent them, will know exactly what I think and feel. The ball is 100% in their court and the decision they make will indicate whether this person is going to be in my life and command even a scrap of my respect.

All I can do now is wait. I don't think the prognosis is very good.

a couple more from the party.

the porto-norcross post wedding bash! part three!

the porto-norcross post wedding bash! part two!