one poem. two thoughts.

refused to drink without sugar
without stupor, without promises of
vigorous youth, glowing health
oh, those eager eaters
they cut, thread, destroy
borrow, bandage, crave for more
flesh they say it's soulless
empty disguised as full
it's a glance in a liar's mirror
a tower of ashes blown apart in a gale
force of the hand called progress
out with the old, hail destruction anew
underneath all its rubble, soon we'll find you



maybe i am angry
an assessment, though apt,
that is completely underexamined.
if you haven't done the research
how can you adequately label emotion?



the only reason you come around
is the search to gain
how far has gain gotten you so far?

click to enlarge this photo

the scariest tit shot ever.

what? did she staple a chicken breast to her chest?

sidebar on angus oblong.

i'm filled with glee. i emailed angus and asked him if he might be coming back to town seeing as he will be contributing to two more shows this summer.

okay, i'm a nerd. but i think you already picked up on that.

this and that and that and this.

heard john k. is coming to canada. i tried to pump his blog for info, but so far have come up empty handed. i'll let you know if i find out that he's coming to calgary - i will not let this become another angus oblong incident!*

speaking of angus, i went back to the gallery and bought one of his drawings - one of creepy susie. jim says they'll have more books in soon. i now have 3 of his books as i picked up a copy of flatulent flavio. i really should pop back in and see if they have any copies left of janet's butt. i gave the copy i bought to kat as a birthday gift and i really should have one of my own.

if you are a big loser and have never heard of angus oblong and would like to see a sample of his work, check this out! he's wonderfully warped and delicious. it's a travesty his series didn't last longer.

kat and i had a good time at the lilac festival today. i bought a new bag [nightmare before christmas], a new necklace and some new art. i bought the art at a sudanese art booth, it's very simple and colorful. we had a great time but i'm glad we left when we did. it started to get really crowded. if i was poor, i totally would raid the lilac festival for the free eats alone. i got some clodhoppers, a bag of sun chips, and a granola bar handed to me free of charge by some corporate shills. they were also handing out kettle corn samples. it was carnival food to the max.

i saw a few peeps i knew - meg, ashley and katie's sister whose name i have most gracelessly forgotten.

good times.

a state of panic is building as it is 25 days until vegas and i still haven't even a lead on a wedding day outfit/dress/potato sack. i thoroughly loathe my body everytime i try something on and it's showing it returns my feelings by behaving in strange ways such as throwing random immediate bouts of strong nausea my way, my skin exploding in the most wretched pimples known to man [though, thankfully, that seems to be on the decline now...] and a left leg that is producing such pain i was limping at one point tonight.

i think all the stress and anxiety over this blessed little day is taking its toll. my sister asked me about how i felt about getting married and i just didn't have an answer. or rather, my answer was that i thought of this day in terms of what still had to be done rather than the actual event itself. if i was having second thoughts i would take that response as a major red flag, but since i'm not, i didn't think much of it. i think it's kind of normal to be a little detail oriented at this stage as it's getting closer to the day and i just want things to go smoothly because of how important this is to me.

i have narrowed down my choices for ring engraving. i'm down to two. i'm not telling what they are, obviously as joel reads this and i think i'd rather keep it secret. i just think of it as something precious and secret we can carry with us always.

i'm exhausted and hungry. i don't really want to eat right now seeing as its 11:30 in the pm.

underneath this blog there are some entertainment world updates. amusing little tidbits for your enjoyement and happy news for gwen and gavin. at first i didn't like it, but their kid's name has grown on me. it might be eccentric, but it's nothing crazy like the shit some other celeb babies are stuck with. the poor thing could have been named phinneas or moses or pilot inspector [sorry, jason, but i don't what you were smoking when you came up with that one.]

anyways, aside from the footnote below, i think i'm done for now. it's been a while since a good proper update so there you have it. now kindly bugger off until next time.

much love.

*still pissed, but i totally missed out on angus oblong's appearance at the quab gallery due to shoddy advertising on the part of a little local free paper you might now as FFWD - they completely fucked the dog, kids. the event was on a thursday and they didn't fucking advertise that shit until the day of the event so only the hardest of core knew about it which sadly, though i love angus to the moon, did not include me. there was weeping and gnashing of teeth to be sure. jim, the fellow who works in the gallery told me they even reneged on an agreement to do a "big interview" with angus and make all my dreams come true. i hate you FFWD. :( but joy of joys, the gallery signed angus as a permanent artist so his stuff will be more frequently available. hooray quab gallery, you are my new heroes!

Goodbye, Paul Gleason.

"He was awesome" - Paul's wife.

Stiff Legged Insanity

I thought that fainting goats were just something made up by the liberal media and the people who wrote "Addicted to Love"

Welcome to the world, Kingston.

It's a boy for Gwen and Gavin!

thank goodness it's the weekend.

you know you've been watching too many episodes of "my name is earl" when you start to think that mustache is sexy.

damn you, jason lee. you've obliterated yet another boundary. first the unibrow, now this.

wtf, jodie foster!?!?!?!

damn i wish i lived near LA right now...

i'd be going shopping here! then, i too, could be a milford man.

i don't know about you...

but the next time i need house, i'm asking this dude to help me find one!

the worst feeling ever is...

realizing absolutely no one noticed.

for fans of the OC

was reading this article and thought that the author's name had to be a joke.

the strokes 14.05.06

last night's show was a-fucking-mazing. enjoyed from head to toe.

the dynamic and the energy was entirely different than the last time i saw them. no crazy death-defying feats from julian this time 'round.

their lighting was incredible, but made it nearly impossible to take a decent photo.

bought a red and yellow shirt.

the beer gardens they set up was awful. the floor was slanted and uneven and there was nowhere to sit down.

there was a gaggle of dancing cougars who set up camp in front of us and shook their groove things all night long.

the set was filled with songs from all albums, but i must admit, they didn't give me much chase as far as getting to hear "heart in a cage" - it was the opener. i had my fingers crossed that they might play "under control" from room on fire, but no such luck. they did however rock out some beloveds from is this it, which was pretty sweet too.

thumbs up.

dizz-AMN!

watching SNL and have to say - Julia Louis Dreyfuss is looking really good these days. even better than she did 10 years ago!

i hate these mashed potatoes, these mashed potatoes have a dead fly in them!

friday night fiasco in photographic form.


the table at ming. classy.


pics of me in the can at the castle!

bathroom graffiti.


a guy who started talking to us when we had a beer. he was enchanted by kat's personal philosophy and talked with me about rock biopics, theorized about who would play joey ramone in the inevitable film adaptation.



bathroom fun when we stopped at Five to use he facilities while in search of a place called nanta.


old people cut the best rugs at Five.



superfunhappyluckykaraokeparty at nanta with norm and his pals.

aka "Citizen Snips"

bored bus stop mugging.

do unto others...

a pair of legs. they belong to a man who was sleeping on the train platform when i was on my way home from work tonight.

it got me thinking. it's an odd little dichotomy, wanting to make sure he was alive and not dead yet being afraid that if i woke him up he might not be happy to be woken up. in a violent way.

that's the lovely way our society works. the fear that's involved in doing good things or helping people. we always think the worst.

some cops were hanging around a street over, so i told them about it. if he was sick, someone had to do something.

and i know someone out there is judging me for photographing him, but i felt caught up in the journalistic moment - documenting and sharing. at least i'm not one of those people who goes off to war and takes pictures of the tormented people clutching the wounded and dead instead of helping them and i didn't ignore him or leave him to die if he was sick. for cripes' sake, i even concealed his idenity by photographing only his legs.

sometimes i just think people won't do something about these kinds of things until they see them first hand. is there really a reason anyone should have to live like that? whether you got there because of things outside your control or because you're mentally ill or addicted to drugs, no one should have to live like that.

no matter what your beliefs are about homelessness, donate something to a charity that will help these people if you can afford to. honestly, i used to make so many excuses not to do so, but now that i can actually afford to, i try to give when someone is collecting for charity because i realize so much that no matter how much i hate certain aspects of my life, it could be a WHOLE lot worse. and, if it did get worse, i'd want someone to be there for me.

so yeah. i'm gonna get off the soapbox now, have a good night.

i guarantee you'll end up bored.

curiouser and curiouser.

surprises abound. and not just for me.

the gossip is getting hotter, but i refuse to be your fodder.

jealousy and spite are such ugly emotions.

"you're not the enemy but underneath you don't agree, take comfort that it's over."

good advice.

Attn: Futurama Fans

SWEET ZOMBIE JESUS! YES!

ding dong, baby.

she's dead.

metaphorically, at least.

and i feel like a house has been lifted from my shoulders.

wow, is it recess already?

what the fuck is wrong with people?

so my suspicions were confirmed today and i have a cam-poster on my hands. [for those of you who are trying to figure out why i have a poster of cam, think imposter without the im.]

as you can see here, someone who figured themselves a crafty little bugger, decided to ask who my little poem was about. thinking it odd but giving it the benefit of the doubt, i responded to the comment as if it were indeed my good friend cameron. said bugger replies again, same way - anonymous but signed as cam again. very strange indeed as cameron has his own blogger account and therefore NO need to post anonymously.

so, i casually mention this to cam today and he has no idea what i am talking about. at all.

yeah.

honestly, this both amuses and irks me. obviously this is someone in our circle of friends because no one else that i know who reads this [joel, other florida friends] really knows cam and therefore would likely not have chosen his identity or really any identity at all to hide behind.

could this be the same anonymous poster who just had to give their opinion of my fiance's photo from an earlier post? i wouldn't be surprised, really.

all i know is whoever is pulling this crap is utterly lame. seriously, this is such highschool bullshit. i'm not one to walk around like i'm the most mature person in the world, because i quite demonstrably am not, but this is too much even for me. whoever you are, all i can say is you must be a very sad and bored little person. when you grow up and stop usurping someone else's identity, drop me a line.

work is fer jerks.

the downfall of a three day weekend is realizing it's over and you have to go back to work.

watched hustle and flow last night. very good. surprised to see that DJ Qualls was in it. had no idea.

tried to stay up and watch SNL last night as sir thomas j. hanks, esq. was hosting, but i fell asleep. red hot chilli peppers were the musical guest and all i could think of was how you could have seen the same combination of host and musical guest ten or even 15 years ago. even better, next week the host is julia louis dreyfuss and the musical guest is paul simon. guaranteed you could have seen that show at least 16 years ago. maybe more. crazy.

anyways, should get ready for work.

i make weird faces and i love it.

so today i went to the doctor about all this dizziness and headaches that are making me sick and miserable. she agrees with the diagnosis put forward by joel and myself.

sinus issues again. whoopee.

so now my sinuses get to take steroids. or rather, i am taking a steroid spray for my nose to see if this helps. if not, it's another myraid of tests and specialists. my favorite. everyone knows how much i love doctors.

so we'll see how that goes. hopefully this is all it takes. and fortunately, my doc had a sample of the spray, so i didn't even have to go fill a prescription.

i also bought some fitness related items to help out with this whole pre-wedding weight loss. honestly, as much as i'd like a miracle in that circumstance and somehow magically end up 150lbs on june 24th, it's not likely to happen and even less likely to happen if i do nothing. so, i bought some ankle weights and a jump rope. i loved jump rope as a kid, so figured why the heck not as an adult.

however, joel was right. my adult co-ordination is nothing like my child co-ordination was and i whipped myself in 18 different places with the rope and it got stuck in the new armband ipod holder i bought. but i'm gonna stick with it because the few moments of perfect jump rope bliss i got when things were going well.

maybe i should not be lying in bed typing this and eating jellybeans after that though. damn sugar addiction. don't worry, it's not like i'm eating the whole box or anything. just a couple of sweet jelly bellies.

i won't tell if you won't.

look what i can do!

yes, i'm a completely shameless gwenophile, get over it.

anyways, i finally made this into something. this being the bag my lamb tsunami relief shirt came in wayyyyy back last year. i hung onto the damn thing telling myself i was going to incorporate it into a painting one day.

well today was that day. you can really see the bag in this picture even though i trimmed it, but once it dries and i put a sealer on it, it won't be so bad.

the rasta colors came from the fact that she uses them a lot in her clothing lines.

yay productivity.

for msc.

sore loser speak for
i never liked you anyways
it's easier to build a wall
than admit fault
it's funny how it works
but hardly surprising
another thing not to miss
when i'm walking into
all the things you want
but have yet to find you
i've made my peace
i'm done losing sleep
all this trying to win
will get us nowhere i want to be
this is such a pity when
friends become strangers
but, love, it's our fate
no matter how much i want to fight
say goodnight and good luck
say goodbye
even if it's onesided
it's there

at the request of joel...

...who is tired of seeing another man's face when he opens my blog, here's another entry!

hooray!

speaking of joel, we've been together for 29 months today. amazing how that much time can feel like not time at all.

i am, as everyone already knows, sick to death of my job. i'm currently speeding things up - okay, actually getting of my ass and doing things - to get all my medical and dental concerns taken care of so that i can do all the big stuff before quitting or going down to part-time and losing my insurance. i still have to figure out a referral for my wisdom teeth and i should get an eye exam because i'm pretty sure i need glasses.

i also really have to start looking around for a suitable dress for my wedding, which i am actually kind of dreading. i HATE salesladies in fancy dress stores. i don't really want the big poofy wedding gown with 80 million sequins on it and all that jazz. i don't even know if i'll wear white - i mean, it's not flattering and i'm not a virgin. maybe an offwhite, but i'm really not sure.

maybe i'll just buy a hot pink prom dress and be done with it.

the sad thing is that more than likely none of you think i'm kidding. *shrugs* don't blame you though.

this is really weird for me, but i have to admit lately i am totally digging royksopp. their understanding cd is not the type of music i would normally listen to, but i'm really getting into it. alpha male is a great track even if it is 8 minutes long.

anyways. i'm bored. and in need of a nice light snack. i'm going foraging.

damn, the vapors make me wanna dance. egozilla out.