Saturday, September 30, 2006

dear rockstars everywhere...

please! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY stop growing these fucking ugly mustaches! stop! stop! STOP! they are not cool or ironic. they make you look like you stapled the tails of dead rats to your faces.

i am only giving you the tough love you obviously most sorely need.

if you need me to show you examples of good 'staches, drop me a line.

p.s. - mr. flowers, what the hell is with the bolero? is the new album so bad you're planning to be banished to playing small town steakhouses? [EDIT: Killers on SNL tonight - Brandon Flowers looks like the lovechild of Rivers Cuomo and Colonel Sanders. I am so not digging this - Weird Kentucky Fried tie with plaid shirt? What THE fuck? Performance? Tone deaf. But their drummer is now definitely rocking the example of a GOOD rock 'n' roll mustache!!!]

a whole bucket of silly

yeah, you wish you was me. i was just clowning before tree's party.

tree's bachelorette party: random photos!

tree's bachelorette party: the loser

this dude strolls up to our table and starts talking to us. big mistake. we'd already had a couple beers and played a drinking game so we were good and sauced. he plops down at our table and says how he noticed we were having some good girl talk and wanted to join in. we were instantly confused - did this man have a vagina?

we gave him a hard time right from the get go. i shouted, "if you knew it was girl talk, why did you bring a penis to the table?" his reply -"because the penis could have some valuable insight in your girl talk."

tree brought out the big guns. "oh really, well what would you suggest for when we are having our period and we have cramps so fucking bad we want to curl up into painful angry little fucking balls?"

we were not prepared for the answer he gave us. "well first, i would give her three aleves," okay, not bad. "then, i would give her some oral pleasure." OKAY. EW. we smelled a rat. we all pounced on that one letting him know no man we know is really THAT into getting his red wings. he tried to get in there with some strange "well, if a girl really loved a guy, she'd let him do it." logic. i'm not really sure it's the girl who is having the major objection in this scenario. at this point, a couple of us let him know that at this table every girl is either engaged or married or just has no interest in him. he tries to tell us he's not out to pick anyone up, but we're not buying it.

around this time, vanessa gives a shout out to mr. red wings' friends that went a little something like this : "whoever is friends with the guy in the blue shirt here, could you come and get him? he is not going to score with any of us tonight because he is a big loser!" when mr. red wings hears this, he gets incredibly indignant. "you know what? i just came down here to have a good time and I AM NOT A LOSER!" and storms off from the table.

we all pretty much lost it then - we didn't know whether to laugh or feel badly, but most of us chose the former. what guy plops himself down at a table full of women and starts talking about oral pleasure before even attempting to get anyone's name that is NOT trying to pick up a lady for the evening? give us a break.
tree giving mr. loserface a hard time while meredith proudly shows off her cookie!

tree's bachelorette party: tree's bonanza of super human tricks!

she has crazy bendy fingers!
she can stand on her toe knuckles with the help of her lovely assistant!
she can blow bubbles in her beer with her nose!
she can even play two noisemakers with her nose!
let's see is it better to put one finger in each nostril...
...or two?
she can drink beer through the labret's hole!
she can shoot water out of her piercings! [click this photo to enlarge - you can see the stream!]

is there nothing this woman CAN'T do?

silly faces.

more from the beach...

joel applying yet more sunscreen.
i call this one "construction beach".
pfft. tourists.

see the clumps of weeds along the shore? :(

Friday, September 29, 2006

Botched Beach Party, USA

handsome husband applying sunscreen.
the rats of the beach!
nerds on the loose on the beach! hooray!
lifeguard station!
i survey the coastline. cue the theme from baywatch.
i married such a suave gentleman!
i make silly faces. after this, we tried to go swimming. instead, we walked around in the shallows and i picked up seashells.

we were sad. the beach was too weedy to go swimming. Joel supposes this may be the herald of incoming red tide. boo-urns.

new car smell!

So yeah, after Joel's car bit it in a flash flood, we were left to drive around Joel's dad's Accord until we could get ourselves a new ride. Well, that day has come, my friends. Check it out! It's a Camry LE Gold Edition. This ride does not need pimpin', yo.

Aberdeen City [State Theatre 27.09.06]

i will edit this later with a review, but right now i am too tired. later!