Sunday, October 15, 2006

right where it belongs.

"What if everything around you,
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know,
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection,
Is it all you want it to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks,
Would you find yourself...find yourself afraid to see?"

A family member I will not name has done yet another thing specifically to hurt me and shown themselves to be a truly selfish, underhanded, and immature individual.

It relates to the "family drama" situation I spoke of at the end of September. It is something that has shocked, hurt, humiliated, and confused me.

I feel horrible. I have been kept in the dark for the better part of a month about things done behind my back. I can understand people not wanting to get involved in the situation or being fearful of it becoming an even widerspread problem, but I am crushed and disappointed that those who knew about it chose not to tell me a word about it. I was so agitated by this situation that I could barely sleep last night. I laid awake for two hours after my husband fell asleep. I ended up taking a sleeping pill just so I could get to sleep and stop choking back tears.

I was already wretchedly homesick. Then, I find that some of the things I was so homesick for are things that just don't exist.

I do, however, have a newfound respect for the person who brought it to the attention of my father who made sure that I was told about what happened.

I know that a lot of my family reads this blog and may ask me to comment on what I am speaking about. I just want you to know I am bringing it up only because this is my blog and I have a right to use it to vent my feelings, and I do not wish to discuss this with you unless you already know what or who I am talking about.

If you don't, trust me when I say you are definitely better off not knowing and not being involved in this or you may end up feeling exactly as I do and I don't want that for a single one of you.

I am feeling a little better today, but only because I have taken my own action against this person. I may be thousands of miles away, but I will not tolerate such behavior. This person, as soon as they read what I have sent them, will know exactly what I think and feel. The ball is 100% in their court and the decision they make will indicate whether this person is going to be in my life and command even a scrap of my respect.

All I can do now is wait. I don't think the prognosis is very good.


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