Monday, March 06, 2006

enough photos already.


so i says to mabel, i says...

cripes. have had two days of sheer intoxication and am definitely feeling the loss of a couple of braincells.

also feel bad for darryl's loss of his ipod and thank my lucky stars that it wasn't me losing my digital camera, 'cause i'd have shit at least 14 bricks and then cried for a good fortnight. that thing is my firstborn baby [my laptop is second.] and my portal to burgeoning digital narcissism. plus, i really just love documenting the insanity around me most nights out with the kids. CAN'T WAIT FOR NEXT FRIDAY. ha!

my house is always freezing. i'm fully dressed underneath about 5 blankets and still i want to start a trashcan fire on the otherside of my room.

but in all fairness, i have wanted to start that shit for a while.

it's been really good to cut loose and get the fuck out of my head. everything in this last month has just been such an ordeal. it's the only way to describe it - a motherfrigging ordeal. my emotions have been rollercoastering like mad, and i've been wretched to deal with if you caught me at the wrong moment.

of course, most people are probably like - WTF? no way. but there are some of you out there who bore the brunt of some severely bad moods, so much love for riding it out.

i can't believe the good and the bad my life is so simultaneously. i think the only thing that's really saved my sanity is the fact that the pain has been tempered with the happiest news imaginable. that, and a lot of escapism and crying.

god, i cry so much. sometimes for no reason at all. sometimes when i walk by all the crackheads on the way to work. sometimes when i see that damn WSPA commercial with the "dancing" bears. sometimes when i think about the future. or my body. or both.

i am such a girl.

downloading music like crazy. old memories. walking at nighttime singing at the top of my lungs through the field to my college dorm after work in the summer watching the northern lights dance in the sky.

ahaha. reminds me, once walking home from work a really old OLD farmer type man pulled over in his station wagon and waved me over as i walked home one night back then. i didn't think much of it as he was so freakin' old, thought maybe he needed directions or something. so i walked over, not too close, but close enough to hear him speak. he asked me what i was doing that night, or more specifically, if i was looking to "have some fun." oh lord, i was taken aback, but really just replied politely that was on my way home from work and had to be up for school in the morning. i think it was enough for him to know i was not a frigging prostitute! cripes!

guess i just give off a vibe. or at least did then.

have been listening to the song "little trouble girl" by sonic youth SO much. so dreamy and creepy and sad and gorgeous.

story of my life.

2 Comments:

Blogger Declan McManus said...

dude, you and i can TOTALLY bond over crying about our bodies. i am always up for that shit. :)

12:35 AM  
Blogger rebelbarbie said...

sweet. i'm in.

12:56 PM  

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