can't

you wanted a wonderful life
well here it is
i'm yours and you're mine and
now that we've got it
i'm feeling more selfish than ever
when i'm supposed to be selfless
i'm consumed with want want want
delicate degenerated code of ethics
it's all a game of strategy
the balance of keeping me sated
because boredom is such a gnawing beast
eating brain and dream and drive
when it's what i need to stay alive
digging ditches for my wishes
pining for stones around my neck
where's the creativity i promised myself
it's buried in a picture box
underneath my skin
begging to be heard
but muffled by the layers
by the naysayers
in my head