Thursday, December 21, 2006

updation across the nation!

took a bath today and relaxed. listened to some music and belted out along. soaked and splashed and all that jazz. good stuff.

i was bowled over by a wave of nostalgia. there are a lot of people i am missing. it's just that time of year. i thought a lot about people i used to be close to. i don't speak with a lot of them anymore. i have noticed a pattern of escape in my life. when i look back, i see that i have always been moving to run away from something - bad boyfriends, deep depressions, instability in my home - but i am happy to report this last move seems less like running and more like a long overdue voyage. i didn't come here to escape something, i came here to claim something that's been mine for a long time. not just the obvious, but also a real true sense of belonging. it's hard won, but it's mine. finally. i suppose it doesn't really serve me well to look over my shoulder now and lament the things that i broke way back when, but i think some of them could be worth fixing if only they want to be fixed. i guess we'll see.

of course when looking back, there's always places i inevitably return to in my mind - the big two that hurt - but i think i'm looking at them a little more objectively these days. at least i hope i am. sometimes i lie awake at night thinking about how i've grown since those days, feeling a little less grown than i am, but i think that's just always going to be something i struggle with. i'm a worrier, a fretful person. i will always think that the mistakes made were entirely mine and that's why they're still in my big bag of silent burdens, but even that big bag is feeling a little bit lighter these days.

i think once life begins to resemble normal again all of this thinking will eventually die down. it doesn't help that i haven't much of a livelihood besides my husband, house, computer and new DS. i've almost filled my sketchpad, i sent my christmas and hanukkah cards on time and now i am most happy to report that we have gone to the lawyer, signed all the paperwork, written the big cheque and now our forms are all on their way to mesquite, texas for filing.

that's right - soon we will have reciepts back in the mail stating our papers have been received. this is significant because it is the first piece of proof we'll have for anyone who may need to know that we're doing things through all the proper channels. granted, as a canadian, i am legally allowed to be inside this country for six months but if anyone were to come knocking on the door, we'll have something to show.

it feels very very good. what didn't feel good? getting stuck with a bunch of needles a few days prior for my medical exam - making sure i'm disease-free and all that jazz. glad to report i'm clean as a whistle and $190 poorer. however, that's kinda peanuts next to the cheques we've written for legal fees.

anyways, we had rita over for dinner to celebrate not only our happy news, but also her approval for a home loan. i love that girl, and it's so good to see her so happy. things are going swimmingly fore her and it's about damn time. she so very much deserves it! plus, she thinks my lasagna is tasty as hell, so she earns major points there. ;)

in other news, i'm highly distressed as the lid to the battery hatch on my camera has cracked on one side and now the hatch does not stay closed properly. it stays closed enough that i can still use it, but i'm scared it will not take much to break that small cracked edge off entirely. i adore my camera to little bits and now it seems that is literal.

oh, and i can't forget our lovely time with the darksouls. fantasticness indeed. i'm tired and since this is so long, i will post some pics in an accompanying entry and then be done for the night and off to bed.

listening to tokyo police club. new adorations are forming. oooh. sppon has a new rekkid coming out in '07 - beyond excited. okay okay, pics then bed.


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